Ashes To Ashes
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Below are the 18 most recent journal entries recorded in
fingertipkisses' LiveJournal:
| Saturday, May 14th, 2005 | | 3:05 pm |
AHHHH!!!
GaH, I hate drama. It seems to have all shifted from IHOP and Miraz to the pool hall. People being shady, downright mutha fuckin SHADY. Cheaters, liars, shit-talkers, you name it. It makes me want to scream. I hate having to walk on fucking eggshells around people because you don't know who is friends with who, who knows about what, on and on and on. I hate the feeling of walking in there and scanning the place to make sure I'm not going to be distracted by dumb bitches running around the place causing chaos, or making sure I run to the bathroom when people's ex boyfriends come in with broken bones and bruised faces "demanding to know what happened that morning I followed you home drunk and slammed my stupid face into the pavement". WHAT THE HELL. I don't think it will ever stop, but I'm hoping it will move as far away from me as possible. I've washed my hands of past bullshit, and over my dead-body will it ever come back to me. Hope everyone will stop being pansies and focus on themselves and their REAL friends. "I would fuck a dog in the mouth before I fucked THAT train wreck." -Jake expressing his feelings about the large negro woman walking down the block in spandex shorts. Current Mood:  annoyedCurrent Music: Alexisonfire | | Wednesday, May 11th, 2005 | | 4:50 pm |
Pshhhhh...meh.
I worked with Katie today, it was pretty cool we talked about a lot of shit. Just how dumb and desperate and PATHETIC some people are. Alicia and Tina came over last night, and we all hung out like we used to before my life turned to hell for awhile. It was like old times. We were laughing our asses off in the car and bumpin' Ludacris..it was good times. I really miss those assclowns. I'm with Jake at the library...and we are gonna go eat at my house in a little while. I love my Jake..with all my <3 and so it's the end where I see I have written really nothing even remotley interesting. go suck a fat one. pshhhhh. Current Mood:  calmCurrent Music: Joss Stone | | Saturday, May 7th, 2005 | | 3:48 pm |
I just wanna go to sleep.
So fucking tired. I have to deal with the boss's praying mantis wife tonight. Fuckshithell...ummmm, I love Jacob Diel's penis..it gave me the lovin three times this morning. *hmm** that's why I'm tired. That was sexual. stop... the.... PASTA..............go to SUBWAY FUCKERS! or just leave me a massive tip. Current Mood:  blahCurrent Music: 36 Crazyfists | | Thursday, April 28th, 2005 | | 6:12 pm |
Holy FUcK LONG TIME EH?
I haven't written on this since December, fucking crazy. I'm not online a lot anymore..shit so much has happened I can't write about it all now, I have to go outside Jake is waiting in tha car. Yeah, I'm back and happy with Jake, no more bullshit. I work at Pasta Al' Dente..Katie works there I thought I hated her before but she seems actually to be cool people; she hates Ande Grasser as much as I do. Score to that...yeah so we got pulled over on the way here cuz Jake's plates aren't registered or some shit, and I had like a quarter of goodies in my purse and I was fucking freakin' out yo'. He just looked at my ID, made us wait like 20 mins. and then left. So he's pissed cuz he got a ticket..so now he has to pay 77$ PLUS the 70 bucks to go through emissions and shit..he ain't happy. It's all good though, I'm off work till Tuesday, I think maybe I'll come back on here and fill in some of the 4 month gap bullshit and we can call it a day. I <3 George Webb coffee talks with Dan, Andy and Jake. JERRY'S WIFE IS A PRAYING MANTIS! Current Mood:  anxiousCurrent Music: Rise Against | | Thursday, December 23rd, 2004 | | 12:03 am |
Who Would Have Thought Crue` Could Pull This Off?
IF I DIE TOMORROW I wake up to find myself After all these years And where all the time has gone Still seems so unclear 'Cause there's no one else Since I found you I know it's been so hard You should know Chorus: If I die tomorrow As the minutes fade away I can't remember Have I said all I can say? You're my everything You make me feel so alive If I die tomorrow It brings out the worst in me When you're not around I miss the sound of your voice The silence seems so loud 'Cause there's no one else Since I found you I know it's been so hard You should know Repeat chorus I spent all my life Looking for our innocence I've got nothing to lose One thing to prove I won't make the same mistakes Now I know That everything will be ok When I die tomorrow Current Mood:  awake | | Sunday, December 19th, 2004 | | 8:44 pm |
Are We Back On Track?
Maybe things will turn out for the better, I don't really know at this point. I live with Caroline now. SHe's so great. She' Jake's brother's ex girlfriend. We are all tied together in a fucked up way, but she's done so much for me. We've stayup all night talking, drinking coffee, playing pool, getting drunk or stoned...just been taking things day at a time. She works at Chops on the Lake, and we've gone in a few times to drink at the bar which is fucking awesome. We have these notebooks that we write in every day. I gave mine to Jake to read and I haven't gotten it back yet, which kinda scares me cuz I dunno what I'm in for. There has been so much shit going on in the past week or so. There was an all out brawl at IHOP where I almost killed Sueanne, if Ray hadn't of held me back I dunno what I would have done. I don't know why I can't be angry at Jake about this. He is just as much to blame, but under different circumstances. Here's what I wrote in my infamous notebook last night. I think it's one of my better entries...makes you think. I'm staying at Jake's tonight. I'd love to see the look on her face right now. Everyone has changed. Some people still have their hopes high and it kills me to know that I may lose in the end. All I've ever wished and hoped for will be gone in a flash and I'll be sitting there watching the saddest picture develop. I couldn't describe the anticipation and thoughts that I feel right now. I look ahead and imagine a bright and remotely happy future. Then I see what I could really become. Sad. Sullen. Depressive. It hurts to think about it. I have to be prepared for both; which is the hardest. It's like scratching a lottery ticket or playing the slots. You know there is a chance you could win or lose. In that game you have a higher chance at losing. I don't want to think of this as a waste. I want to remember and I want to forget, and it terrifies me. Plain and simple. I'm not afraid of spiders, I'm not afraid of the dark or heights. I'm afraid of losing that someone that puts a smile on my face. Afraid of losing the one that puts me at ease and can flip a frown by the brush of a shoulder. It makes me cry and smile. I've run out of options. Do I let go? DO I hold onto that thread of hope only to be crushed again in the end? How the fuck am I supposed to do that> Everything happens for a reason, and I'm hanging on with my last ounce of strength. When I have to let go all I'll be relying on are his feelings and reactions. I just want him to be happy. He's sat there and listened to me pour my heart out and practically choke on every word. I'm afraid now because I don't want to hear anything else that would make me doubt him in what he decides. I can't change what's running through his mind, I can't make him see what I do. It's all coming down to the end. The only question left is what kind of ending it will be... Oh yeah, he got me the Used zip up hoodie for Christmas. It's hot. :) I miss him. I miss you. Woo. Current Mood:  confused | | Sunday, December 12th, 2004 | | 2:41 pm |
Another Hole In The Head.
I can't understand life. I will never know or come to the realization that a day will come in my life where a million things aren't running through my head, where I just want someone to listen. I met Jake for coffee the other night. I hadn't seen him since that Saturday, only talked to him on the phone. When he walked in my door my first impulse was to run and wrap my arms around him. But I couldn't, and that killed me even more. I thought it would be a little easier. I was so wrong. We sat and beat around the bushes for awhile with some small talk. Then I took out the letter I wrote and got down to the nitty gritty. I don't think I have ever poured my heart out as much as I did to him. Ever. I ran through the reasons why out loud, and talked a mile a minute between tears. He started to shake. He had something else to tell me. All I could do was stare at him and wait. He finally looked me in the eye and told me "I slept with Sueanne." I swear I didn't have a reaction. I was far to numb at what I just heard. My boyfriend. One of my best friends. Together. I couldn't do much but gaze out the window and hope a truck would come barraling through and take me away from it all. We talked some more. Alot more. Got alot out our systems. He was in sheer awe that I didn't slap him and walk out. Part of me wanted to. I just...I love him so fucking much. He keeps saying he doesn't know what is going to happen in the future. We don't have a solid relationship right now, he doesn't want it. And after all the shit he has done and said, I could halfway sympathize with that.He cares for me, he loves me I know it. It's the way he goes about it that fucks with my head. I just keep getting hurt. Pain follows me with a wicked smile. I pretty much got kicked out of my house last night after the huge fight with my mother. I don't know what to do, I hope it's true what they say, that things get far worse before they can get better. Well this is the line, so again..Amber will open her pretty eyes and arms, embrace the happy times to come and cherish what I have left. Problem is..I'm running out of everything. Something has got to change, or I will really honestly...truthfully...never smile again. Current Mood:  depressed | | Sunday, December 5th, 2004 | | 2:04 pm |
Empty. So Empty...
I never thought this would happen. Especially so soon. Jake broke up with me today in front of Michelle's apartment. I had stayed up all night after he disappeared on Saturday...thinking the worst possible things. My heart hurts so much, I can feel it beating harder and faster everytime I think of this. My eyes well up with tears. I cried for a straight hour and a half when I got home. He finally called me this afternoon and told me to meet him outside of the apartments. That he had to talk to me. "Are you ok?" "*pause* No and yes..well.." "Are you mad at me?" "No, no." "Okay, well I'll see you outside then. I love you." "I love you too." And ten minutes later it was over. All the high hopes and smiles crushed into a thousand pieces. He told me that with his job situation, him trying to move out, and him not liking himself...that it would be better this way. That it would be ok. I couldn't even look at him. I let my hands fall to my sides and I cried with my head on half of his shoulder. "I still want to be friends. I don't want to lose you as a person in my life. I love you and I care about you." All I could think back to was all the times he said I love you. All the times he said he had never been happier in his life. Is this just a rough patch? Was it true at all? Is there someone else? There are a million and one thoughts just rushing through my head. When he didn't show up Saturday night, I went to look for him thinking the worst. I couldn't imagine...I just wanted to make sure he was alright. I've done so much and put forth so much into something that just crumbled beneath me. Will it ever be ok? I can't even put into words what I feel right now. Everything is going to be different...and I'm terrified that I will go back to my old self. Alone. Empty. It's day one and I can tell that it will get so much harder before it will get easier. I'll cry at a song or a picture. I'll jump everytime the phone rings. I'll remember that things aren't what they used to be...and I'll hate myself even more thinking that I could have done something...anything to have prevented this from happening. I'm so alone right now...and I can't fathum why I would deserve this. In the end, I stand alone. I don't want pity. I don't want to try and be comforted..ok maybe I do. It's an instinct. I just wish I could walk away from it all. Back to the fake smiles. Jake...I'm sorry for all of this. I know you never read it. I'm sure you'll get the message. Whatever changed your mind...I can't change. It takes two to keep a relationship, and if you need time...you need it. But in the end...I hope we are both smiling again. I walk a lonely road The only one I that have ever known Don't know were it goes But its home and I walk alone I walk this empty street On the Blvd. of broken dreams Were the city sleeps And I'm the only one and I walk alone My shadows the only one that walks beside me My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating Sometimes I wish someone out there will find Till then I'll walk alone I'm walking down the line That divides me somewhere in my mind On the border line of the edge And were I walk alone Read between the lines of what's F**ked up and every things all right Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive And I walk alone ~So funny I heard this right beforehand...I hope it will all be ok. Please.~ Current Mood: depressed | | Tuesday, November 30th, 2004 | | 4:25 pm |
Drama Shit n' Stuff.
I had a really rough past few days. I cried more than I should have. Something hurts inside, and it's not anything dealing with my relationship, although I am in constant worry about that. And I scold myself because of it. I shouldn't worry. I really shouldn't. There;s just been so much drama, my stomach hurts and I haven't been able to hear out of my left ear for the past few weeks. I get cranky and emotional...and it hurts me becasue I know I'm affecting others around me. I don't want to have to be known as the "emotional basket case" who worries too much. I care about so many people, and I dread having to go home and face those who ( I know this sounds terrible) am obligated to deal with and care about. Not saying that I don't. I love my mother. She's just changed so much. I'm not looking forward to working and sitting alone at home. I really have no other choice. Jake's brother had mentioned to Sue that I sometimes intimidate him, and that hurts. I know I try my hardest to make things work so everyone is happy. I don't want him to think I'm trying to take his brother away becasue I'm not. I want him to be able to spend time alone with him, hang out with the guys you know? We had a great time the other night when Suzy, Joe, Jake, Jon and I got a hotel room. We just sat around, listened to music, swam in the pool and lounged in the hot tub with our drinks. It was a great night. The next day we had to go see our friend Michelle, who a few nights before had a small ge together at her house. Jake, Joe, Jon, Suzy, Liz, Nick, Ricky..friends in general there to drink and hang out. I was with Robert and Christina hanging with them before Robert and Crystal went back to Madison. Michelle told Joe that she had strong feelings for him...Joe said he cared about her but wasn't ready for a relationship. She flipped and went on a pill popping spree, ended up screwing Jon who was pretty drunk too (after the fact she said she would never sleep with someone unless she was in a relationship with them) flipped out even more, swallowing as many pills as she could while the people there are scrambling to help her. The cops came and everyone but Jake and Jon (since they are over 21) got tickets, and Michelle got carted to the hospital/loony bin. She comes out and tells everyone to meet her at IHOP. I tagged along and listened as they recapped that night. It killed me to see her laughing and joking about it when there were people there she barley knew helping so she wouldn't fucking die. Jake didn't want to be there. So we ended up leaving and he fell asleep. I talked to him about my worries on the way home, and he basically again said I had nothing to worry about. But I still felt like I had something on my chest. He fell asleep before I could finish talking to him. I felt sick and ended up puking like twice, my tummy was in knots and I was twitching from the pain. I got some pain pills from Ken (his dad) and got sick once more before I passed out. I had stayed up a bit beforehand with Sue and Joe, just talking. I have to go home soon and pass out early seeing I have to work at 8am, then three or four more days following pretty much the same long hours. So all in all, I'm in a shifty mood. I hope things get better. I love Jake, Sue, Jon, Joe..all of them..and when they are all content and happy.....I will be too. Current Mood: blah | | Thursday, November 25th, 2004 | | 9:46 pm |
I Tried Green Bean Casserole. It was THE SHIT!
Happy Thanksgiving!!! I spent the night with Jake after we came back from Super Wal-Mart. (I realize that it is a ritual to hit that place at 3am on random nights.) It was fun, Sueanne came with us and we did some shopping. :) Had a blast. We woke up around 2, and I could smell the turkey and all the good food Ken, his dad, was cooking. I fell asleep again for a little while, and when I woke up we watched Jay and Silent Bob until we got called up to dinner. It was soooOOoo good. We had turkey, cranberry sauce, stuffing, cornbread, cheesy potatoes, green bean casserole (my first time trying it, it was AWESOME!) MmmMmmMmm it was tasty. Hmmm there's still leftovers. :) Tomorrow I have to go to work from 1pm-9:30..that is gonna suck seeing it's a toy store, the day after friggen Thanksgiving. Pure hell, I know it. Although I'm getting my first big check and Jake is picking me up. I'm taking him to Applebee's on Saturday, and hopefully we'll think of something to do for the rest of the weekend. Robert and Crystal came down from Madison last night, so I got to hang with them. And now I'm here at Christina's for the night so we can all hang out before he goes back. We just got back from Mirez, I had cheesecake and now I'm hungry again. Dammit, well it's Thanksgiving. I can use that as my excuse, just for tonight. Boring entry I know, nothing too exciting. Maybe I'll have something more entertaining next time. Toodles! Current Mood: blah | | Sunday, November 21st, 2004 | | 3:17 pm |
It Was A High Time In My Garage....
Last night Jake went with his brother and Jon Green to his cousin Keith's house to have some drinks. His cousin is a riot; we went to his family birthday gathering and him and his granny were arguing about tattoos. "No no granny, see this chick?" *points to the tat of a naked big chested woman on his arm* "She is HOT, and she'll be with me forever. Lookit the fishy!" *points to the black lines forming a Koi fish on his arm. "What's that? A coo fish?" "No no granny, a Koi." She just shook her head. "Why do you do that? That's money you could spend on something else!" It was a humorous convo. Before Jon Green met us for coffee, Caroline and I went to Mirez and talked about relationships. (She dated Jake's brother Joe for about a year and a half, they're still friends.) Talked about dating the brothers, how they acted and stories from the past. How happy I am where I stand, and everything is going well. We also talked about the "what if's" and that kinda brought me down. You know, the "what if he loses interest or gets tired of me? What if we have an argument so bad to where I don't talk to him for days, what if..what if this what if that. So we changed the subject, and Jon Green came in where we fired into the whole setting him up with Suzy deal. He met one of my best friends Sueanne, and he really REALLY likes her. Although she dated Matt for about 2 years, they aren't dating now, just "together". You know what I mean. *Rolls eyes* Seems like he's always bringing her down for something. He once told her he was too mentally and physically exhausted to deal with her. That's just shitty. Then why the hell does he key some dude's car cuz she had coffee with her if he doesn't care or doesn't wanna deal with her? Basically he's into drugs and sleeping, although he supposedly wants to get a job. *sigh* I love her to death and I don't like seeing her upset all the time, and I know Jon would make her happy. So anyways, Jon left and met the guys to drink, and Caroline and I went to my house. We hung out and had a few beers, and got high with my mom in the garage. THAT was classic. My mom was so friggen baked she couldn't talk right. We had a blast. And yes, I smoke pot sometimes. Yes, I enjoy it. I could care less what anyone thinks about that. I do what I do, and that's that. But yeah, it was great. So then we sat at the kitchen table smoking ciggarettes, eating some cookies, and reading people magazines. We stopped at the video store so she could pick up some movies, then I went back to Jake's to wait for him to get home. He strolled in at about midnight, we talked about the conversations I had with Caroline...and I cried. I can't help it. I'm a worry wart. He just smoothed my hair, kissed my cheek and told me not to let things like that get to me, and I had nothing to worry about. So I finally drifted off to sleep. I just want to make sure I don't screw this thing up, which seeing how happy I am, I would be dubbed the biggest retard if I did. So, I have that motive. I know I would never hurt him, and I'm pretty much convinced he would never hurt me, and that puts me at ease. I love him. SO much. I just ate some Taco Bell, and it was DAMN good. MmmMM I'm full. Jake's mom makes good french toast too. Yeah! Anyways, I have a mandatory work meeting tonight at like 7, so that should be fun. *total sarcasm* Ciao! "Hey, I was 20 years old and WILLINGLY shitting on people's kitchen floors." -Jon Green Current Mood: full | | Saturday, November 20th, 2004 | | 2:34 pm |
| | 2:21 pm |
I Can Get You Toys For CHEAP!
Well I am now employed until Jan. 31st. That's when the bastards are closing for some stupid reasons dealing with money and court. I work at KB Toys, and it's pretty cool. I can get toys really cheap, I got Jake the new San Andreas game for 12 bucks. Seeing it's like a fifty dollar game that was a pretty good deal in my book. I worked some long days, but my first paycheck on Friday will be well worth it. Things are still going great with Jake, and I love him more each passing day. I usually get to stay with him on the weekends, and I look forward to it all week cuz I get to lay next to him and just BE with him. *Sigh* Good stuff. We woke up at 7am thins morning to drive to Chicago and help Caroline move outta her old apartment since she's done with school, we got that done in a record 2 hours. We listened to Sublime and ate in her car on the way there. It was pretty fun actually, despite getting in and out of the damn elevator with the dolly push cart thingy. So I'm kinda tired. Hmmmm...I dunno what else to talk about. Oh yeah, me and Liz (shot_of_ecstasy) like to make our mouths go POP like the donkey on Shrek and it cracks me up every time. She likes to feel it go in, or so she says like the one night at Mirez. Member that Liz? I wrote it down on the paper placemat..I think it was about your tounge stud. *PoP* I'm gonna call Susie tonight and hopefully we can all hang out, it shall be fun. Well, until I rush back here cuz I thought of something else to put, I will depart. Love, peace, and blowjobs. xoxox Current Mood: chipper | | Friday, November 12th, 2004 | | 5:07 pm |
Chucky Is One Badass MoFo'
Today I made Jake some eggs and a grilled cheese, he says it was really good but I personally think I made the eggs too dry. He ate it and didn't puke, so I'm content I guess. We went and saw Seed Of Chucky, it was funny and Jennifer Tilly looked spectacular in those cleavage huggin' dresses. RaWR. He actually laughed a few times, and all in all it was an ok movie. I swear Chucky gets more badass everytime I see him. I'm a fan of the Child's Play trilogy. I thought Bride of Chucky was effin' hilarious. C'mon now, two dolls doin' the horizontal hustle and producing a demon child? How can you get any cheesier? It's great. I live for cheesy things like that. It's the weekend so I'll pry be staying the night with Jake tonight. *Big grin* I love the weekends. I have an interview at KB Toys tomorrow at 2:30. It's funny though cuz they need people for the holidays, then they'll be closing January 31st. So I'll be outta work again unless I find something to back my ass up with. Go figure. I put in an application at the new PickNSave, which is ironic seeing both mom AND Alicia work at the Northside one, so I guess I can be the third on this chain. I can see mom trying to get Zack, my brother, to work at one too. I don't think he'd go for that one. Well, I'm gonna go eat now. Mom is making manacoti...mano.ca..ah shit. The good italian stuff. *Thumbs Up* Lata kids. <3 Current Mood: cheerful | | Monday, November 8th, 2004 | | 2:41 pm |
Big Boobs McGee
I'm a sex goddess with big hooters. Rock. Current Mood:  silly | | Sunday, November 7th, 2004 | | 3:31 pm |
La Dee DAH!
I slept till like 2-ish today, Jake woke me up and kissed me goodbye before he went to his Union meeting, and I'm glad I didn't have to wonder aimlessly around the house like a zombie until he came back, I needed the rest. We went to the Rise Against/Bad Religion show on Friday, it was fun. I got pretty tipsy and found out my friend Christina dated my ex (well he was actually playing us both at the same time) and had his baby. So I was freaking out, he had been trying to get back with me while she was pregnent, and wants nothing to do with her child. Fucking asshole. I want some chips. Grrrr. Well short and sweet, I'm out like Ellen. HeH. Current Mood: awake | | Wednesday, October 20th, 2004 | | 3:35 pm |
| | 3:14 pm |
Something New
Well it's been 10 days since I met Jake. This is the first time for me using an online journal, which is odd since I'm such a net nerd. I guess I just popped the online journal cherry. HeH. Alright, enough about that. The topic I'm on right now invloves this boy...this boy that I met at the pool hall I hang out at. (I can't even really play pool, I end up making an ass of myself when the 8 ball goes flying off the table..it's all in good fun) I had been waiting for my friend Jenny to pick me up after work..and there were two guys playing in the back area. I sat on the empty stool by their table and started chatting it up. Come to think of it now, I don't know why I wasn't more shy about it. Normally I have to sit and think about what I'm going to say, or what I'm going to do before I approach anyone. This was different though. I talked to them awhile; Josh the funny was with the messy hair was humping his pool cue to some old KISS song, and Jake and I were sharing the last of my smokes. I ended up going out to coffee with them and kinda blowing Jenny off at the last minute. We had a blast. I hadn't smiled or laughed so much in ages with someone of the opposite sex. At about 2am, everyone departed and Jake offered to give me a ride to Jenny's. I could picture the look on her face as I would be knocking on her window to let me in at 2:30 in the damn morning. On our way back, he goes "Well, I only had coffee, I'm actually kinda hungry..wanna tag along?" OF COURSE I WANT TO! That's what I wanted to scream, but it came out as a weak "Sure, that would be fine." We went to IHOP and sat there in awe of eachother, how much fun we were having until about 7am. It was nuts. After that, we drove to the county where he showed me his tattoo shop he frequents, listened to music, made fun of porn stores, joked and laughed for another few hours. We hit ShopKo at about 9am, where we stood by those little boxes that when you press the button it gives you a sample of the CD. Bumpin' and grindin' to the sweet soulful sounds of 70's R&B. It was a riot. I brought him to my house at around 10-ish where he met my parents and we played back the night and morning's events. I couldn't believe how happy I was. I didn't think of the issues my mom and I were having all night..or think of my dreaded ex..who's breakup with me was still making my heart hurt. We took off later that day to Regency Mall, bought some incense and other useless junk. He left at about 4pm to get some sleep before work (a 3rd shifter) and we exchanged phone numbers. I didn't think we'd see eachother again for awhile..thinking the worst. It was only one night. He pry has better things to do with his time than talk to someone like me. He was just being overly nice. Hmmmm. Well to put it blunt I have seen him every day since then. He's come over to the house and gotten closer with my family, my 14 year old brother thinks he's a god since he brought him a free 3rd series set of McFarlane horror toys. We've gone to movies, to eat, and just hung out at home. I stayed with him at his house for the weekend and met his parents..layed with him on his bed and felt so happy and giddy about the whole thing. We get closer every day, and I can only hope it lasts a long time, I can't screw this one up. He's looked me in the eyes and told me "I would never ever fuck you over..that would kill me." I look back on past relationships and remember how that was said to me before. I'm looking at it a little differently this time. Things are just falling so perfectly into place. Maybe I just had to wait until now for it all to happen. I can only hope. Well, I'm off to surf the net and then skidattle on home to get his phone call. I'll keep you posted. HeH. xoxoxox <3 AmBeR. Current Mood: ecstatic |
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